Food for thought

I was having a conversation with a co-worker today and was left with this thought......Why do we fault those who can't do as we wish. Meaning they fall short on our expectations. The truth of the matter is my expectation of someone may completely differ from the expectations someone has for themselves........

The Way Looseing Him Feels

I wish I could believe you then I'd be alright

But now everything you told me really don't apply

To the way I feel inside

Loving you was easy once upon a time

But now my suspicions of you have multiplied

And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time

'Cause I can't go on and pretend like

I haven't tried to forget this

But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me

Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing

The very thing you gave to me

I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed

As much as I wanna trust you

I know it ain't the same

And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time

I may never understand why

I'm doing the best that I can and I

I tried and I tried to forget this

I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good

Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could

And it's all because you lied

Loved you more than ever

More than my own life

The best part of me I gave you

It was sacrificed

And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time

'Cause I can't go on and pretend like

I tried and I tried to forget this

But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first

Been ridin' with you for six years

why did I deserve

To be treated this way by you, you

I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee

I been crying for too long

what did you do to me

I used to be so strong

but now you took my soul

I'm crying

cant stop crying

cant stop crying

You could of told me

that you wasn't happy

I know you didn't wanna hurt me

But look what you have done to me now

I gotta look at her in her eyes

and see she's had half of me

How could you lie

Watching Them Grow

Last night I got to spend quality time with my god-daughter Nicole(13) and my god-son Jordan(3). They have grown so much in the last few years it's amazing. Nicole has become such a young woman I can't believe it. I remember the days when she was a newborn baby cooing in my arms. One of my favorite memories of her has to be when she was about two years old. Then enjoying her new walking legs. As soon as her mother unstrapped her from her car seat she climbed out of the car and ran straight to me with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Those cute little white sandals and her green dress with the yellow flowers....She has grown so much.

Nicole is now taller than me and gorgeous. I love the fact that her beauty hasn't changed her. She's still a sweet heart inside and out. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age. I just hope she survives high school without to much blood shed ;). Her mother can't take it that her first born is no longer a baby she sounds so much like a parent when she refers to Nicole it's scary.

Jordan has the most infectious laugh ever. My dad was playing peak-a-boo with him last night and he just laughed and laughed. His energy filled the entire room. I love children when they are at his age. They are so free....no question is too silly, whatever they observe they say. It was so cute last night we were watching the news and their was a clip of a train wreck. My mom made the comment "they are lucky only sixteen people died in a wreck like that" and Jordan turns from the television with this look of great concern on his face and says "yeah" to my mom's comment. No one even knew he was paying attention to what was on the t.v.

I can't help but feel bad for wanting to slow both Jordan and Nicole's growth but it seems like every time I see them they've grown so much. I want them to enjoy their youth as much as possible cause we all know it wont last forever.......Wow I sound like my mom :)!!!!

This is why I'm Hot

Random Thoughts on a Friday Night

I used to find self examination something I performed regularly and with great ease. You could catch me staring in the mirror for hours on end. There was once a time in years past when I truly enjoyed the person I was inside and out. Now every time I pass a mirror I might glance into it, not really wanting to engage in the task of looking at myself. Looking at the person I've become. I'm so full of contradictions that it kills me. I find myself fighting the real me constantly. Whether it's dumbing myself down cause "not every man can handle a woman so opinionated". Or biting my tongue cause I don't want to offend someone. The worst is seeing someone being harmed and because the "in crowd" has outcasted them, that person no longer has feelings. It's now okay to ostracize "the weak".
I have never intentionally changed my behavior to fit in or to be popular, yet I have changed for reasons I'm still not proud of. Like not being so aggressive when I engage in a competitive game with a male so his ego wont be harmed. Or not talking with my own vernacular cause it's been deemed ghetto by those who don't understand it. Those in power over those types of things. How in the world did I loose myself so fast......

Matters of the Heart

I can't believe what I'm about to say.
It's only been twenty two years I've spent on this earth,
and the last six have caused my condition.
I don't get sick very often so it makes since the the ailement I have isn't easily cured.
At this point you must be wondering what I have.
First let me say I don't think it's contagious,
and many who have suffered my ailement have been cured.
All right here it is I have been diagnosed with a broken heart.
Some of the symptoms of this condition are unbearable.
You have pains that are so strong and come from so deep within, you become imobilized.
You cry as though your eyes are not eyes at all but two waterfalls ever flowing.
I find myself trying to remember good times,
times of laughter and smiling to make it through the day.
I feel as though nothing will mend it,
and the worst part about it is knowing there is only one who holds the cure.
I know now why I fought myself so hard when it came to loving another.
When you give your heart it's not cherised as the precious gem that it is.
It's tarnished over and over again until it becomes a blackened color.
Each transgressor leaving their stain forever.