Somebody Once Said

Somebody told me being with you is taking a step backwards.
I responded that's funny cause when I'm with you, we focus on going forward.
Somebody told me the past always repeats itself, with that same tired line,
"Once a dog, always a dog.
I responded I haven't seen any signs of fleas yet.
Somebody told me you are all wrong for me and I deserve better.
I responded I know your giving me your best.
That's what matters above all else.
Somebody told me this as their final plea,
" Watch for the signs and make the right decision".
I guess I let them down cause I stayed by your side.
Somebody told me I had made the wrong choice.....
it never really mattered until somebody became you.

Today is my god daughter's birthday and her dad actually came to the family dinner. The first time in fourteen years. I mean it's better late than never, at least that's what the old folks say. It was very uneasy having him there especially for her. When I arrived at the dinner she was placed at the head of the table between her parents and it wasn't until she lead the blessing of the food that I saw her smile. I wonder what was going on through her head....I've never seen her so uncomfortable! I know I'm not over reacting because my mom a.k.a my conscience caught wind of her discomfort too.
I was pissed at her mom for paying so much attention to her ex-lover, especially on Nikki's day, but who am I to judge my girl's behavior. It was awkward for the three of them that was obvious but at least this day finally came.
I know Nicole has never felt unloved but there is nothing like the bond between a father and a daughter....
Now that I got all that out the way I enjoyed my three alcoholic beverages which did the trick. I was the social butterfly of the table....I just hope Nikki wasn't too embarrassed

Failure starts with F

I feel as though if I pour out my heart to you,
my words will fall upon ears not willing to listen.
Because these particular ears are purposely being deafened by your self righteousness,
and a lack of compassion for my short comings.
I want to scream out to you,
"take me in your arms and hold me close".
I need to feel your embrace.
A sense of comfort that all will be well.
Yet... even your slightest touch burns me so.
My heart aches from the pain
and my throat swells from holding back the tears.
Apart of me feels this was all avoidable....
I should have never let you get so close.
But the fact of the mater is you've entered my world,
and now I don't want to let you go.
So what's this girl to do?
My heart is broken cause I've failed at another relationship,
Only this time it's worse than ever before.
Cause it's the most intimate relationship of them all....
I failed at friendship.

I had the hardest time ever getting up for work this morning. I think the only thing that allowed me to drag myself into the work place was I know I wont have to go for the next two days. Work has been my escape from the unrest in my life at the moment....but I think I'm ready to take on that headache instead. I can't keep running forever, and the worst case scenario would be work would stay at it's present state and my outside life finally broke through the walls of protection work provides. I can't say I have completely shut everyone out. Their some essential folks in my life right now that I would have perished a long time ago with out, but there is so much I avoid and so many I don't hang out with. Who I really have started to miss, including myself. It's about time I make time for what's really important to me, and stop offering myself as a human sacrifice to the masses.

Everytime

Do you think of me when you close your eyes to sleep?
You know that moment when your body is at complete relaxation,
what runs through your mind.
'Cause whenever I lay my head on the pillow for a good nights rest,
There is only one thing on my mind.
you my dear,
it's always you.
I think of your smile and contagious laughter.
I hear your voice as if your whispering in my ear.
I see your face, with those soul penetrating eyes.
I feel your touch,
always in the form of a slow caress.
And as I fall asleep,
I smile and whisper your name................

I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself

Here I give you a little food for thought......

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

--Marcus Aurelius

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.

-- Mother Teresa

Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.

-- David Pratt

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

and last but not least........

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes.

-- Unknown

Gangsta's Paradise

I'ma "G"!
I Live by the streets and I die by the streets.
Thats Just the way it is.
Thats the way it will always B.
-anonymous

Hoods
Where folks are subjected to gunshots ringing
Where the laughter of children is silenced,
by the drive-by gunner's singing.
Speed bumps line every street, along with rival gangs "tags".
Everybody worried about the body bags.

Hoods
Where Gangstas are in absolute control.
You know them when you see them, they give you that glare.
Daring you to return their stare.
The goal is instant intimidation.
A game of truth or dare
Only one chance for redemption.
Which choice is the best?
Will you bow down to their authority,
or be the next name on someones homicide quest.

Hoods
A place where it's easy to make the seven o'clock news.
Unless of course another wealthy white woman with large breast dies,
Then it'll just be your family and friends in the pews.

Hoods
Are the remnants left of neighborhoods.
Once prosperous communities.
Back when it was all good.

Hoods
Need to be rebuilt into communities we can be proud of.
The gangsta mentality can't continue infecting our youth
there will be complete self destruction,
today's hoods are the proof.
-Lady S