R.I.P. Joker

So I went to see the latest batman movie. The joker was awesome hands down, he stole the show! Favorite lines were:

1. I'm like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. I just do things.

2. Introduce a lil anarchy. Oh and by the way chaos is fair.

3. Look what I did to this city with a few barrels of gasoline and some bullets.

4. and lastly You think I would leave the fight for Gothams soul up to a hand to hand battle with you.....No no no you must always have an ace in the hole.

I can't rave enough about Heath Ledger as the Joker he's no Jack Nicholson but man he was amazing!

Desperate

I'm at a loss. I can't imagine that I'm so out of touch with you that all of these things that I'm feeling are just that.....feelings. You keep telling me it's all in my head, but I know that this is not the case. It's the gamble I took opening up to you. I layed me heart out there. Truly expressed what I felt inside. I thought I could trust you. If you're leaving I wont stand in the way. I just don't want to be the last one to know. I must ask though why put me through all of this. Why put us through all of this to then turn and walk away.....The very thing you were afraid someone would to do you, you're doing to us! Normally I would back out now you know cut my losses before it becomes to much. it's different this time though I've invested so much. No matter what the outcome is there will be great damage, great loss. So I'm going to try things differently this time, actually give this my all. If nothing else I can grow from the expirence. The expirence really.....is that all you are. I'm so desperate for answers to questions only you can answer.

I'm Back With A Story to Tell

My recent abscense can be blamed on myspace(which I never knew was so addicting), live journal, and my ever "juicy" love life.

I have found lately that every relationship I am in changes me. Sometimes in a big way and sometimes in ways so small I don't notice until much later. In my current relationship the M word has come up. You know the one Marriage....yeah thats it. Yet this time I didn't completly reject the ideal of marriage like so many times before. I gave it a timeline, which many find cliche. It's what I need though to decide whats right for me. So at the tender age of twenty five I may be married and relocating states. WoW! I will give more details about the lucky Mister in a blog entry some other time. Maybe even post a pic ooh la la! I've never expirenced a love that isn't cumbersome until now! Even when the clouds come and block out the sun. I want nothing more than to be by his side.....I love the way that feels!

Something New

First off let me say even though the title of this post is awfully cliche it's appropriate. I've come to the realization that living in the past is not living at all. Yet I hold the past so dearly because I'm comfortable there. This so called comfort must be disrupted. I have been given the opportunity by a truly special person to live for today. Actually enjoy life as it occurs not remembering times when it was good. I must admit I'm nervous it's been awhile since I ventured out into the real world. I'm putting myself out there so you better be worth it. Just Playing!

My Affliction

I think of you constantly
Sometimes I write your name over and over again
Finally my hands cramp from my tireless chore
and then I read my work aloud
line by line
line by line

You have taken me over
I'm so encompassed by you.
Hours go by like seconds
Months go by like weeks.
All spent on daydreaming
and thinking of you.

I've never known how truly precious time is
until I spent time with you.
It's funny how the smallest act
seems so grand if it's committed by you.

I find myself smiling
from thoughts of you.
The times we've shared plague me.
....and yes plague is the right word.
because even though I feel all these things for you
You conceal your thoughts
your feelings
your emotion from me

Maybe one day I will earn your trust
and then you to will suffer my
affliction.

Guess Who's Back

Happy New Year and all that jazz. I know I'm late but I've been in a pretty isolated state. One in which I've reached out to family and friends more so than ever. I've learned how truly dependent I am on my loved ones. I used up their time so selfishly because I couldn't get enough. The love and protection that exude from them is all I was ever searching for. It's funny that all I needed was right there all along, but the lifestyle I chose to live pushed me further and further from them.

So far in the new year I've found new love which is always a fun expirence. I've got it all....the butterflies in the stomach, the girlish laughter, hours of day dreaming, and tons of cuddling.

Lastly I would like to share my new years resolution:

To be the best friend I can be to those who call me friend. Yes that means to all of you have complained that I never have time for you; that has been adressed and you will become tired of the endless phone calls you will recieve from me. I can never get back the time we lost and this I truly regret. Lets enjoy 08 together.

The Future

I don't know if you've seen the latest rendition of Peter Pan. It's not necessary for one to have viewed the movie for you to understand my sentiments.At the end of the movie Peter defeats Captain Hook by repeating the phrase "OLD, ALONE, DONE FOR"! Hook finally gives in and repeats this phrase as confirmation of his defeat. Hook who had just learned how to fly begins to sink rapidly. He then meets his final fate which is to be eaten by an alligator (you know the one the has the ticking belly). Even though Hook and Pan are fairytale creatures Hook's demise mirror's my own. I feel as though I'm sinking rapidly into nothingness. I'm so jealous of youth these days, living their lives care free. No real responsibilities, no worries about finance or finding someone suitable to start a family with. The fact of the matter is as my birthday gets near I'm beginning to feel very old, alone, and done for.