ALL SMILES

Last night my x-boyfriend took my mom out to the movies to see spider man 3. They invited me to go along too of course but something told me they needed to go alone. Especially since he invited her to go, and not me. I knew the movies were a cover cause we have been talking about getting back together, but he knows he's got to make things right with the family first. I should have sent my younger sister with them so she could have been my informant, but knowing her she wouldn't have told me anything enjoying the pleasure of knowing I was sittin at home on pins and needles wanting to know everything they were talkin bout.

I had to wait up until twelve this morning for them to arrive then I ran upstairs to my bed and pretended like I had been sleeping. My X came to my room and thought he was shaking me awake. I could have gotten an oscar for my acting skills. I slowly pretended to awake then faked being startled to see him. He was smiling down at me and said "I didn't wanna wake you but I had to come tell you I love you and I always will." Then he tucked me into bed and kissed me on the forehead.

I didn't sleep much last night from a mixture of excitement and pondering what in the world my mother had told him when I called him to say good morning he asked me not to go to work today and to come see him instead. I told him I couldn't, but that we would hang soon. He says we need to talk about us, I'm trying not to get too excited cause I don't wanna get all worked up to get let down, but I think this might be it....

He's the Void in my Life

I miss being your girl, truly I do. Sometimes it's so hard for me to enjoy our salvaged friendship because I want so much more for us. Thats the problem though I want it, you don't. We've gone over what broke us up time and time again and we both seem to agree we were good together. Yet when ever I bring up us trying to get back together you always reply why can't I be happy with what we have. The answer to this question I don't have the courage to tell you because you make me wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't want to keep crying and upsetting you with my broken heart so I don't tell you that I love everything about you. Even the things that get on my nerves because they are apart of you. I don't tell you how there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you and wonder what you're doing at that exact moment. How the scent of your favorite cologne fills my nostrils at the most random times and I find myself turning about to see if you're near. It absolutely does not help that my family still adores you, they act as if nothing bad ever happended between us. I mean my mom still calls you her son, and my dad asks about you and your wellfare weekly. I no longer lash out at them for caring for you still, I understand it better now. They are like me they can't get over you. It's like I told you I will never love another the way I love you, you are my first love, my first real heart ache,and my first regret.

Jumbled

There are so many things racing through my mind that I want to blog but can't. For one I can't stay focused on one ideal long enough to convey it, and two the exhaustion and fatigue of working through my weekend has caught up with me.....Not to mention the partying and new found fun with legal consumption of alcoholic beverages. House margaritas at Luca's lounge are the best....The hangovers that follow I could do without.....:)