Sunday, September 30, 2007

The newest life lesson I have learned is, to truly love someone you have to love without conditions. Just love. I understand why my grandmother loves each member of our family equally. No matter your statue, whether you've made all the right decisions in life or all of the wrong ones.

I get it now why my mother is my best friend. No matter how much our opinions differ she has been my rock, the solid foundation she has provided me is the greatest gift of all time. It feels so good to know that no matter what I do she will always be there.

I also have begun to understand why I have a need to be there for someone I choose to refer to as person A. Person A and I have been friends for quite some time. It's close to five years. Over the years we have had our good times and bad like any normal friendship. The thing is the entire time we have been friends Ive had to try and justify why I am friends with this person. My family and friends all question me constantly. I could never really explain it to them why this friendship meant so much to me. I'm starting though now to get it, and it feels really good. Good that I didn't let others convince me to give up on someone I truly care for. Yes person A is not perfect, but no one is. As our friendship grows I learn who I truly am and furthermore that I actually like who I am. This is healthy for me, because for quite sometime I've been feeling like I lost myself.
So to person A I want to say you're always thanking me for being there for you and telling me how wonderful I am, but it's you who is truly the amazing one. I will enjoy the next five years and five more after that. I'm sure our friendship will last a lifetime, and I thank you for that..............

I can't help but marvel how different our world would be if folks really loved as many people as they claim to love..........

Friday, September 28, 2007

My earlier post is really my current state of mind, so much so that I forgot to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERENA! I hope your special day is blessed and I love you. See ya later it's gonna be one hell of a party girl.I think it will be just what the doctor ordered. I just hope there wont be hella drama like last year. Do you remember that? How could one forget I thought the three musketeers would be no more. But all is well that ends well or some other cliche. Love ya big sis and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!

Whole Again

I can't stand it when you fall for a guy and he doesn't feel the same way about you. Especially when you thought you both felt something,and you end up giving your self to that person. The situation you're now placed in causes you to act completely out of character. Such reckless behavior is dangerous for numerous reasons. Your emotions are all out of control, you end up exhibiting bi-polar like behaviors. The worst part is you can't really express to that person all that you feel because you know they could care less. Which hurts like all hell.

Don't let there be another woman involved. Your self esteem will be no more. You'll start rationalizing and comparing yourself to her. Doing your best to determine why she's the one and not you. It's a vicious cycle, you'll find the things you don't like about yourself are vast in number. This leads to depression and other dangerous behavioral issues.

So how do you get over it.

How do you become whole again.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Have U Eva

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day
when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep

Have you ever?

Almost Doesn't Count

Almost made ya love me
Almost made ya cry
Almost made ya happy, babe
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard ya sayin'
You were finally free
What was always missin' for ya, babe
You found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you one foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin' if you're lookin' for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what ya came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you built me up
You only let me down
But everybody knows, everybody knows, almost doesn't count

Can't keep on, baby
Can't keep on tryin'
Everybody knows almost doesn't count
I can't keep on
Can't keep on lovin' you one foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never, never really sure
Can't keep on tryin' if you're lookin' for more
Than all that I can give you
Than what ya came here for

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, babe, from the cruel, cruel world
Almost convinced me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows, everybody knows almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see you around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


Even though you're close, You are so far.
Being held captive for crimes committed in the innocense of youth.
You knew better but you wanted to fit in.
Fit in to the soceity designed for your demise.

I miss our talks, late night on the phone.
Remember how you use to try to use big words to impress me.
My teasing you because you were younger than I,
I used to have the best of times.

I knew you looked up to me,
You told me so.
What you didn't know was I looked up to you.
Someone going through so much,
and yet you smiled with such ease.
Nothing will ever break your spirit.

So many memories flash through my mind.
Our sleepovers,
Your quick temper when you don't get what you want.
Your smile.

I can't wait until you come home.
Our embrace will be long,
Tears will acompany my words.
I need to tell you,
I have always loved you and I always will.
You have a piece of my heart reserved just for you.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

A Piece of Me

I never been the type of person who doesn't befriend a person because someone else says not to. Actually the more I'm told about someone who has been "out casted" from the larger group, the more it makes me want to get to know that person for myself. This has been the case with me since I can remember. Actually a great deal of my best friends are those folks who were "out casted". They were labeled weird, nerds, crazy, two-faced, and more. I want to say I befriended these people because it's the right thing to do, that's not entirely true though. This is where my story begins....

It started in the summer before eighth grade, dad got laid off from work. My mom sat my siblings and my myself down and expressed the financial situation our family would be facing until dad could find work again. My sisters and I sat and listened to mom and I remember thinking anything I could do to help I would. That night my sisters and I decided not to make so many messes and to keep our room clean. My older sister broke open her piggy bank and gave my parents all the money she had saved up from baby sitting and my younger sister and I pulled together our little change and we offered it to our parents. I will never forget the look on their faces. They told us to keep our money and that everything was going to be fine we just wouldn't be receiving as many luxuries as we used to.
Everything was okay at first, then school started. Normally we would go shopping for back to school and get entire new wardrobes to match the current fashion. This year we could only get the clearance items which were no longer fashionable. I don't think my sister's and I cared much we were excited to be getting new clothes. This particular year Jordan's were the popular shoe. They started at one hundred dollars a pair. The baby girl was to young to care. I remember asking my older sister after the first day of school did she feel out of place cause she didn't have any Jordan's. She replied it was awful not only did she not have Jordan's but there was this new game kids were playing where they were going around checking the tags on people's clothing to see if it was name brand or not. Of course her clothes were not.
The next day I was a victim of the tag checking game. My friends at the time teased me and others in our group who tags didn't display a designer's name. Our friend group was split in half. I was so upset, but I didn't want to tell my parents because I knew this would make them feel bad. The teasing went on for about a month then this game sort of faded away, though its effects didn't.
I was no longer in the "popular" group, which composed of people I had been friends with since kindergarten. I was left to hang with the people who my old group of friends teased sometimes relentlessly. I was left in such a horrifying situation I've never felt so alone. I'm forever grateful for this experience because it taught me so much.
People are so much more than what meets the eye. If you judge someones worth based on other's opinion, physical appearance, or even your first impression you will miss out on the opportunity to really get to know someone.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

A Funny Story

A grandmother and her grandson are having a conversation. The grandson asks his grandmother why doesn't she have a boyfriend. The grandmother replies that her husband was the only man she could ever love. The grandson says yeah but it's been a long time since grandpa has passed away aren't you lonely. The grandma replies no, I have my television and you. One could say my television is my boyfriend. It cheers me up when I'm sad, it entertains me when I'm bored, and the spiritual programs nourish my soul. The grandson nods his head. The grandma turns the television on to catch one of her daytime programs. The picture has really poor quality so the grandma begins adjusting the television. After some time the picture doesn't improve so the grandma begins to hit the television. During this time the doorbell rings and the grandson goes to answer it. The reverend is at the door and inquires where the grandson's grandmother is. He replies upstairs banging her boyfriend. :))))))))

Laughter is truly nourishment for the soul.